Goals vs Intentions - Chimps Knickers in a Twist.

A curious thing occurred yesterday. I had a strong emotional reaction to a video clip during a teacher development workshop in Ulm. The clip was just over 3 minutes long, well presented by a respected and admired (by many) philanthropist. He delivered his message in an entertaining, well structured, classic TED format. He had scientifically based evidence for the validity of his message. Yet I felt highly disturbed; my cage was distinctly rattled.

Derek Sivers, the accidental entrepreneur and patron of independent musicians, is compulsive viewing. What did he say which so upset my belief system?

Don't announce your plans. If you have a goal, don't talk about it. 

One of the most influential things I learned from my coaching training was Nancy Kline's Thinking Environment approach, and the importance of thinking through your ideas aloud. I have seen first hand - indeed, experienced myself - the value of saying aloud what's going on in my mind. The process of explaining to another person what my intentions, dreams and wishes are, helps clarify that tricky question, "What do I want?" The starting point for setting a goal and formulating an action plan.

My concern about the message Sivers delivers in his TED talk was that it would deter people from setting a goal at all! What I discerned from the 3 minutes is that if I share my goal, I'll end up abandoning it, so what's the point in setting a goal in the first place. As a coach who focuses on helping people with their goal-setting, this was anathema to me. What do you think?

What I now think is that my Chimp was enraged by what it felt went against the Chimp's view of the world. Even at the time, I was aware of a quiet voice in my brain pointing out the validity of Siver's point. I have experienced instances of social reality where the feeling of satisfaction from merely mentioning my "goal" was enough and I didn't work on my "goal" anymore.

However, in full Chimp mode, I allowed my indignation to run away with me and prevent me from acknowledging the truth of the matter.

Now applying my Human brain thinking, I can separate emotion from reality. For me, the issue lies in the difference between what a "goal" is and what my "intention" to do something is. By opening his talk with the word "goal" when in effect he was talking about people's dreams, wishes, intentions, caused - for me - a huge degree of incongruity.  Hence my Chimp was aroused.

Fortunately, in his blog on the same topic, he uses the - for me - correct terminology! He ends with this statement:

It may seem unnatural to keep your intentions and plans private, but try it. If you do tell a friend, make sure not to say it as a satisfaction (“I've joined a gym and bought running shoes. I'm going to do it!”), but as dissatisfaction (“I want to lose 20 pounds, so kick my ass if I don't, OK?”) 

Now that I - and my Chimp - can live with!.